When I turned 28...

When I turned 28...

Everyone has a number, at least most people do. I do not believe in luck, but, for some reason, I have two numbers that I kind of randomly pick when I am asked what my lucky number is. I had not thought about those figures until a few weeks ago when my husband asked me about them. I told him "4 and 7". I haven't had a proof that they are actually my "lucky" numbers, but I just liked them, probably because I was born on the 14th (which has a 4) of July (the 7th month) or for some other reasons that I do not know. Whatever, I really like those numbers. At that time, my husband answered me: "Well the registration number of that car had a 4, so we'll probably get it". The next day, the car was ours. It might have had nothing to do with the number, but who knows if it did! 

Yesterday, I was thinking about my birthday, recalling those "missed" birthdays that I had in the past. I am considering them "missed" because they did not exist at all. They were just dates of the French National Day that passed on the calendar. While I was thinking about how much time flies and brings you somewhere you never thought you would end up, I realized that I was actually turning 28 ( For the last few years, I usually forgot my age until I did the subtraction again). And to my astonishment - as it was the first time I did that kind of math for my age - I realized that 28 is nothing but the product of my "lucky" numbers. Therefore, 28 should be a fabulous age - one that should be full of success and prosperity. Before thinking about the math, I spent a few moment reflecting on my life and how dramatically it has changed over time. I have made up my mind that I would do everything in my power to progress in many fields this year. For me, being 28 means you are a grown-up, and expectations significantly increase around you. I knew that is no longer the time that I should spend hanging out with friends, watching TV on my bed, and commenting every single post on social media anymore. I realized how much responsibility I have especially towards my family and my society. Then, I knew it was time! It was time to wake up, move on, and help others to know the positive side of life. 

Finally, it is July 14, 2020. And I finally turned 28! Yes, I am a woman, a wife, and a mom, a christian who lives to make positive impacts on her life and that of the others. That is what success is for me: living for myself and for others. I am 28, in other words I am 4x7 which are my "lucky" numbers; shouldn't I be successful? Of course, I should. I deserve that, after years of struggle, pain, and sufferings. 

I woke up early this morning, optimistic, thanking God for everything he has provided me with. Before waking up, I heard 2 message notifications on my phone. I knew it was my family. My brother and my Dad send me long and sweet wishes, ones that I know came from their hearts while they are at the same happy for me and sad that they cannot be with me now. Tears rolled down my cheeks, and I felt happier that ever. I felt loved, one the best feelings! 12-10 years ago, no one except my father and a friend of mine would wish me a happy birthday. They seemed to be the only ones who cared. Now, everyone in my family is celebrating my birthday; which is enough to be happy. 

I am 28, and I am more than determined that I will do all my best to make sure that my birthday is a special one. 

I am 28, and I have decided that my happiness will have nothing to do with people anymore; it will be something that God and I have to work on. When it is your birthday, you usually expect that some close friends or family will surprise you with beautiful gifts and a big party. I have never had the privilege of living something like that my whole life, but it is completely fine. I have learnt not to expect anything in order to avoid disappointment, and it has always worked so far. My husband forgot my birthday, but I have nothing to blame him for. On the contrary, I am thankful that he finally knew it after seeing some posts from my Facebook friends. 

I am 28, and if I want my birthday to be special, I need to do something special. I have thought of eating my favorite food and having some fun time with my family. As we would like to minimize any risk of contamination of the coronavirus, food delivery is not among the choice. I had to make what I wanted. I headed to the market to get what I needed. Protective as he is, my husband did not want me to get exposed to the virus somewhere outside the house, and he did not understand why I needed to go out, but I was determined to accomplish what I have planned. I put on 2 face masks (as I have a few symptoms of covid-19 and I did not want to contaminate anyone if I really have it), then went out. 

I am 28, and today is my birthday. My husband finally wished me happy birthday and offered to help. He said he was sorry for forgetting it, and we had no problem over that matter. I got really tired, but I was happy I did not feel my headache - which has not left me for a few days. 

I am 28 now, and if I would like things to be better than it has been, I have to make some more efforts than I did before. I am very weak, and my past few days have been awful, but I need to change that today. I put on another face mask and started to prepare some food. I baked a small cake which got burned because of some technical problems - which was my fault. With the mask on, I could not distinguish smells and I thought it was something else while it was my cake. However, it was fine. I was still happy that the inner part of my chocolate cake was fine and tasted really good. 

Part of being 28 means to me accepting and enjoying things the way they are even though they did not go the way I planned it. I planned to dress beautifully and put on my favorite make-up on my birthday. Well, it turned out that beauty was not part of the criteria of the day; it was rather comfort. I was wearing some of my comfortable clothes to feel at ease and to be warm. No make-up, face mask on, and hair simply dressed. I tried to avoid the mirror which always has the power to remind me how awful I look. Well, today, Mrs. Mirror is on leave. I am happy and I know I look a lot better that I used to be. Smiles are enough to make me look great. 

I am 28, and I finally made my birthday special. I got to eat my favorite and do my favorite thing. I made the pizza, grilled the meat, made the barbecue and the tortillas for my own party. And the biggest thing, I got to dance! I was feeble, and my legs could barely support myself while standing, but I knew that If I wanted my birthday to be special, I needed to be special. I put some of my favorite musics in the playlist and danced with my family. That was the first birthday in 28 years that gave me the opportunity to dance, which everyone around me knows I am crazy about. That was quite an experience. My headache was chased for a few hours and I magically felt so energetic. It was my birthday party, and I had to enjoy it. The future will solve its own problems. 

Night fell, and it was time to put my daughter in bed. I was exhausted. It just confirmed that I am unwell. My body ached and I had very little energy to keep myself up. But I did not let any of that to ruin my day. It is my birthday, and I do not want any bad memory of it. It has to be special. 

I am 28 today, and I am happier than ever. My birthday did not go perfectly the way I wanted it, but it made me happy. I have more to be thankful for than just the fact that I did not get any gift. The latter, I am used to it. Receiving a gift is a privilege that I might sometimes have, not a right I have to claim from anyone. I read my diary yesterday, and checked what I wrote when I was 16, 17, 18. I was miserable at that time. I barely had what to keep me warm during winter. I spend my birthday at the countryside, in the freezing water of the rice field to plant rice. No one, except my father and Felana would wish me a happy birthday. And no such thing as special food nor fiesta! I am not blaming anyone for that; that was a part of my life I had to go through to train me not to take anything for granted. I remember asking God in my Diary why all of my pain happened, and now I got all the answers. 

I am 28, and I have enough to be grateful for. I know I have impacted some people's lives, which made me so proud of myself. One of the reasons why I was determined to wake up from my grief of the last few days is knowing that there are some women out there who believe that I am a hero, that I face any problem easily, and that they should do everything I do if they would like to be successful. A young lady, who is both a mom and a wife wrote to me one day that she checked my Facebook page everyday to see if I shared something that she could use in her life on my page. And if I stay on bed all day long, watching movies and eating any junk food I can find, what would people like her become? It is time to move on. No matter which speed I take, I'll go. When covid-19 is gone, I'll probably be able to run faster that I can now, but starting today is a lot better that waiting for tomorrow. 

28 years have passed, and more years, blessings, and success to come. For now, I have a few lessons to apply. 1) Do your best and leave the rest to God 2) Your happiness is nobody's business. 3) Never forget where you came from, and you'll have enough to be grateful for.

Sedera

July 14, 2020